nut hugger
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
