i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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