So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
