i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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