Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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