she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
