just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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