you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
