Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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