By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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