Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
