we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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