we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
