the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
