Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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