Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
