who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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