i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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