I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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