When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
