no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
