Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I touched a dick in church today
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
