weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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