Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
