How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
