were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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