Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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