The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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