It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
