he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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