ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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