it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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