i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
