Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
