I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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