I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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