weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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