Its about making memories worth repressing
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
