Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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