I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
