Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
