Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
