So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
