I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
