Can Purell be used as lube?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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