she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
