I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
