Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
