Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
