fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
