I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
