I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
