Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
