please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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