Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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