whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
