...so i touched it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
