yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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