why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You pole danced in your parka.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
