i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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