I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
