I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
