Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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