you would pick up someone in the library
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
