I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
