What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
