literally had 100 drinks last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
