My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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