I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
