I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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