can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
