I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna bring you to show and tell
barbara walters just said penis...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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