best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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