The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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