Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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