I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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