Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
